


Elio and Oliver: 20 years later

by Tdreaming87



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-11-17 17:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18103214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tdreaming87/pseuds/Tdreaming87
Summary: Elio and Oliver both reflect on the 20th anniversary of that life altering summer





	1. Chapter 1

New York City, Summer, 2003

“Did you ever feel like you’re just going through life fooling everyone?”  
“I can’t say that I have. Will you explain?”  
How can I explain this to a stranger? I know she is a highly regarded therapist and has extensive experience in dealing with all types of mental illnesses, but I just don’t see how she could understand my situation. I suppose I really don’t want to be here, talking to her about this, but my wife insisted. She has clearly noticed my strange and often erratic behavior this year and asked me to seek help. So, I did. For her. If I’m finally honest with myself I guess I do need help dealing with my mess of a life.  
“I don’t know if I can explain properly.”  
“Oliver, these sessions with me are only as affective as you let them be.” In saying this April Bennett reminds of my mother, reprimanding me for not trying hard enough in school.  
“Ok, Maybe you’re right.” I say resigned. I should at least try this. I don’t have much to lose and I am paying for this so I might as well get my money’s worth. 

“I’ve built a life of which others would be envious. I should very extremely content with it all. I’m doing exactly what I love as a career. I’m well respected in my field. I’m extremely financially secure. I have a nice, honest, intelligent wife. I have three wonderful children whom I adore, yet I hate it all. I pretend that I’m happy but I’m not. I have to fake my way through each day or else I might not make it. I’m a fraud. I’m living a life I don’t want but convincing everyone I do want it all.”  
I stopped and took a deep breath. I can’t believe I said all that. I felt a combination of relief and a bit of shame.  
“When did you begin feeling this way?”  
“Twenty years ago.”  
“That was a very quick and specific response. What happened twenty years ago?”  
“Twenty years ago, I made a terrible decision that I’ve regretted for all these years. Leaving Elio behind, standing on that train platform, was the worst mistake of my life.”  
“Who is Elio?”  
I launched into the story of my experience of that summer in 1983 and her all about the Perlmans. April takes notes as I’m speaking. Probably, so she can review them and come with something to talk about at my next session. It feels great to speak of Elio for the first time.  
“Oliver, do you identify as a gay man?” Her question throws me off and I take a minute before answering.  
“I suppose I do.”  
“But you came home from Italy and married Carol. Why?”  
“I had to.”  
“You had to.”  
“Yes, I had to. I would never have been able get to where I am, career wise, if I came back and shouted out that I was gay. It was a different time then. People were not accepting as they are now. I also needed my parents aid to get through school. They were financially supportive all through my education. They would have totally disowned me if they knew I was gay. So, I didn’t tell anyone. I married Carol and started a family like was a supposed to. And I did love Carol at the time. I loved her before I met Elio and I still love her, in a way.”  
“Was Elio your first experience with a man?”  
“No”  
“Have you been with men since then? Since you were married to Carol?”  
“Yes, I sometimes meet men, which the internet has made a lot easier, for sex.”  
“Do you still have sex with Carol?”  
“Yes, but not often.”  
“When you do engage with her, do you climax?” I was getting a bit uncomfortable with these questions. She noticed.  
“I understand I’m asking difficult questions, I feel we need to explore this part of your life in order to make a plan for dealing with the negative feeling that been created over the last twenty years for you.”  
“Okay... Well I do cum when I’m with Carol but only if close my else and pretend she’s a man.”  
“Have you ever spoken with her about Elio or the other men you have had contact with.”  
“No, I could never. I couldn’t bear to hurt her.”  
“Alright, Oliver. Our session time is up. I do hope you will make another appointment. I believe together we can come with a way to help you feel more positive.”  
I shake her hand and thank her as she walks me to the door. I do not stop at the desk to make another appointment. 

Meanwhile…...

Somewhere in Northern Italy, Summer, 2003

“It’s been twenty years you know.” She says to me.  
“I’m aware.” I say. I was totally aware of how much time had passed since he was here.  
“I’m sorry I brought it up.” Mariza says as she sits up from the towel she was laying on to look at me. “I’m just thinking about him.”  
“I’m thinking about him too.” I say. Which is the truth. There are somedays I don’t think about him all. Then somedays, he’s all I think about. Twenty years! It feels like yesterday that we were laying in the sun right where Marzia and I lay now.  
“I have to ask again.” Marzia says with a grin.  
“No please don’t, not this year. This year is different.” I say.  
“For me it’s not. Elio Perlman, will you marry me?” Every summer when we reunite at the villa she has asked me this. I always say no. How can I marry her, or anyone, when I can’t be fully committed to them? My heart will always belong to Oliver.  
“You know I can’t, I’m gay remember?”  
She sighs deeply. “Yes, I know. I know you love him but when are you going to understand the he does not love you and move on. Elio, you deserve to be happy.”  
“I’m happy. I have my career. I have a nice apartment in Los Angeles. I have friends. I really do have a nice life.”  
“Maybe you can convince yourself of your perfect happy life, but I know you want to be with someone. You are too much of a romantic to not want someone to love and be partnered with. I know you Elio. Better then you know you.”

She was right, I did want that. The year after Oliver left was the worst year of my life. When I returned to Boston with my parents, I was mess. They knew it. Somehow, I didn’t tank myself too badly and was able to graduate high school with excellent grades and went on to graduate from Trinity College in London with a PhD in music. The distance from Oliver helped. Boston was too close to him. Some nights I would wake up and think about getting on a train to New York City and finding him. Of course, I never did that. Being in Europe helped to dull the pain a bit. Being honest helped too. Being honest about being gay and dating only men helped me reconcile myself and made me a better person. I was moderately happy right now. As happy as I could be without Oliver.  
“Alright, so if you won’t marry me, I guess I’ll just have to go back to Paris and my students.”  
“You love teaching and you know it.” I smiled at her. I was glad to have to her here.  
“We better get dressed for dinner.” I say. Maria doesn’t tolerate lateness for dinner.

“Wait.” Marzia says before we get to the house. “Do you hear that? A car horn? Are you expecting someone?”

 

Oliver:

I knew I didn’t need another appointment with the therapist. But I did know what I had to do. I went back go my office and made a plane reservation to Milan. I called Carol and told her I had an unexpected work trip and wouldn’t be back for a few days. I keep some clothes at the office, which I shoved in a bag and went to the airport. I slept soundly on the plane. Maybe I was at peace because I knew I was making the best decision. Or maybe I was mentally exhausted from my therapy session this morning. 

Once landed, I booked a rental car and was on the road to the villa. I only stopped once to eat, I couldn’t wait to get there. I couldn’t believe how easy it was for me to remember the directions to the villa. Twenty years had passed and yet I remembered everything like it was yesterday. As I approached Crema, I began to consider all the things I had not though about before I made this impulsive decision. What if he’s not there? I thought he would be because I knew from reading magazine interviews that he still spent his summers at the family villa. What if doesn’t want to see me? This would be devastating. I don’t know how I would handle that. 

As I approached the familiar lane with the familiar closed gate, my heart and mind began to race. This was it. I was betting my future right here and know. I didn’t see anyone in the yard, so I honked the car horn to alert someone I was there. I waited and honked again. I guess they aren’t home, I thought. Damn. I would get a hotel room in town and try again in the morning. Just as I was about it reverse out of there a man approached the gate. I could tell it wasn’t Elio but Professor Perlman. He was older but still recognizable. He opened the gate and waved me through. I got out of the car  
“Professor Perlman, I don’t know if you remember me, it’s been a while but…”  
“Oliver, Oliver, Oliver. I can’t believe it!” He exclaimed and hugged me tightly. “What took you so long?”


	2. At the Villa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Elio see, and talk to each for the time in twenty year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning to continue this story but some of you wanted more so I have continued to explore the older Elio and Oliver

Oliver:

As The Professor leads me into the house, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. The Villa is exactly the same. It’s like time stopped here in 1983, while its residents moved on. Samuel Perlman his older now but he’s still the Professor whom I have admired and aspired to be since the day we met. I’ll never match his quality of character though. He leads me to the study, his study, and it too, is the same. The artwork, the shelves of books, the sofa. Except for a computer and printer on the desk it’s the same room I spent so much time studying in. The sameness of the villa overwhelms me. I sit on the sofa an begin to cry. I’ve only ever cried this hard once before in my life, is was the day I left this place.   
“Hey now.” The Professor says in the calming tone he always has. He sits down next to me and puts his arm around my back. It’s all I can do to stop myself from leaning into him and crying into his shirt. He’s really like own father, or I wish he was.   
“Elio…” I say through the sobs, but I can’t find the words.   
“I love him.” I finish after a more tears and sobs have left my body.  
“I know.” He says. “I knew it then and I know it now.”  
The sobs have slowed down and The Professor hands me a handkerchief to dry my eyes and blow my nose.   
“Papa?” We hear coming from the hallway. “Papa? Is someone here?” Just then, Elio appears in the doorway.

Elio:

My father is sitting in his study with someone. Probably the same someone who was honking at the gate. At first, I think it’s my imagination, but it looks like Oliver. But it can’t be him. When he stands up, the is no mistaking him for anyone else.  
“Oliver?” I say rather confused as to what is happening.   
“Elio!” My father interjects. “Look who has made a surprise visit. Oliver, you’ll stay for dinner of course. Also, you are welcome to stay here with us, unless you have room in town.” What is my father saying? No, he’s not welcome here. He cannot say here.   
“I, uh, it wasn’t a planned trip, so I don’t have anywhere booked.” Oliver stammers. Cleary he is just as uncomfortable with my father’s reaction to this situation as I am. My father seems almost joyful about Oliver’s presence.   
“Wonderful! I’ll just go and tell Maria to set another a place for dinner and prepare the guest room.” My father bounds from the room. I can see him redirecting Marzia and escorting her to the kitchen. She’ll be so pissed when sees Oliver.   
“Maria?” He asks  
“Malfada passed on years ago. Maria is her daughter.”  
“Oh.” He is looking at the floor, it seems he can’t look me in the eye.  
“What are you doing here Oliver?” Saying his name and officially acknowledging his presence makes my heart race. He’s here, after all this time. He’s still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.   
“It’s been twenty years you know?” He finally looks up at me.  
“I know! Do you think I don’t know exactly how long it’s been?” I’m crying now. I’m angry and sad. I don’t know what to do. I’m angry he’s here, but a bit happy too. I turn around and flee up the stairs. 

Oliver:

I just I should have known he would be angry. I don’t know what I expected to happen here today. I guess I thought he would still love me. Maybe I thought we could pretend the last twenty years didn’t happen. What I was thinking? Of course, he’s upset. I must follow him. I need to at least get some closure. I slowly walk up the steps. As I climb them, I see Marzia coming from the kitchen. If looks could kill, this would be last day of my life. My pace quickens as I try to avoid an encounter with her.

Those same steps lead to the same hallway to the same doors. I’m guessing he’s in the same room. I knock on the door. I hear some mumbling and grunting, which I take as signal to enter. The room is the same. Even the damn blue bathroom tile is still there. Again, in this room, as in the study, the only difference is the electronics. A television, a cell phone, a computer. But for me, this is still in room in which I fell in love.   
He’s lying on the bed with his back to the door. I sit down next to him. He turns over on his back.   
“I can’t believe you’re here.” He says to me. Even though he has aged he is still the same Elio. His expression is hard, but his eyes are soft.  
“I can’t believe it either. I’ve been thinking about this, you, a lot lately.”  
“Really, I haven’t thought of you at all.” Same sarcastic, snotty attitude that makes me what to punch him. Or maybe I want to kiss him.  
“I’m sorry. For all of it. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better man back then.”   
“Oliver…”  
“No, let me finish. Please. I need to say this to you.”  
He sits up now and looks at me with an earnest expression. I take a breath and tell him everything I need to say.   
“What happened back then, was tragic. And I know I caused it and I’ve been punishing myself for it ever since. That day at the train station was the worst decision of my life. I never should have pretended I could just go home and forgot about you. I fell in love with you that summer and I was too scared to admit it. Or too stupid to understand that I would never be in love with someone else. But I was a coward. I still am.” I stop and take a breath. I feel relief at finally saying these things to him.   
“Oliver, you went home and got married right? Even though you claim you love me, you chose someone else.”  
“Yes, I did. I married Carol which was a mistake. I tried very hard to convince myself that she would make me happy. Which was wrong of me to do. She’s done nothing wrong here and she deserves a better husband.” I begin to cry again thinking of how much I’ve hurt to the two people I’ve been closest to in my life.”  
“Carol. That’s here name?”  
“Yes, why does that matter?”  
“It doesn’t.” He said, smiling now. “I’ve just tried to picture her and what she was like. Does she know about me?”  
“No, I couldn’t possibly tell her any of this.”  
We’re both quiet for a moment. Neither of us seem to know what to say next.  
“I noticed Marzia down there.” I say. “Are you and she... together?”  
“Of course not. She’s my best friend and I’m gay for God’s sake!”  
He’s quiet for a moment. He doesn’t seem as angry now. I wonder what he’s thinking? He surprises me by taking my hand and holding it tightly.   
“You really regret it? Leaving me behind?” He asks, looking me directly in the eyes.   
“Yes, every day since it happened.”  
“Good.” He says with a smile. “I...” He is interpreted by the dinner bell.   
“Wow.” I say. “Somethings never change, do they?”  
“Not around here.” He says standing up and pulling me off the bed. “We’ve been called for dinner, let’s go eat.”


	3. Dinner and Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After dinner Oliver and Marzia have a conversation

Chapter three: Dinner and confrontation   
Oliver:  
Elio held my hand as we made our way to the dinner table. It felt good but strange to be seated at this table again. It was very much the same but different too. Maria, not Mafalda, served us an elegant meal, accompanied by excellent wine. I expected nothing less in the Perlman house. Mariza continued to give me the evil eye. I can’t imagine what I will say to her. I look away from her icy stare and focus on the Professor. He looks good and is high spirits as he liberally pours wine for us. I turn to Elio.  
“Can I ask about…Annella?” I was curious to know why she wasn’t present here. The table grew quite and I knew I had overstepped.  
“I’m sorry…”  
“No.” Elio says putting his hand on my shoulder. “You have the right to know.”  
“No, he doesn’t! He has no rights here” Marzia interjects.   
“Mariza, Please.” Warns the Professor. Marzia looks like she might argue the point but doesn’t. She leans back and drinks more wine.   
“Unfortunately, my mother is very ill. She was diagnosed with dementia years ago. Papa and I tried to care for her but as her condition worsened, she became a danger to herself and us.” Elio tells me.  
“That is very sad.” I say. Annella and I had a connection here twenty years ago. Many nights she and I would sit near the pool and talk deep into the night. Somehow, she knew I was in love with her son before I did. “She’s a wonderful woman.” I say, truly meaning the words.  
“She’s receiving excellent care in a facility in Los Angeles, Elio is close by.” The Professor says.

We continue to eat while talking about many topics. Marzia is suspiciously quiet and making me uneasy. I know I will have to talk to her eventually. Finally, the food and wine have been finished and Maria begins to the clear the table.  
I stand up and stretch my muscles. I’m not used to the Italian dinners which last for hours.   
“Marzia, we should talk.”  
“Yes, we should.” She starts walking away from the house and follow. Elio tries to stop us, but I wave him off. I have to know what is going through her head.   
“So... I’m not sure what to say.” I begin, it’s a clumsy start but I don’t have clue how to handle this situation  
“Well. I have lots to say.” She says and stands facing me.   
“Ok, I want to hear it.”  
“After you left all those years ago, Elio was different for a while. He became a sulky human and played nothing but depressing songs. He lost his spark. He was heartbroken over you. It took him a very long time to get back to the best Elio.” She stops.  
“Marzia, I understand…”  
“I’m not finished, and you understand nothing. I was here for him after you left. In a friend capacity because that’s he wanted from me. I picked up the pieces. I convinced him that he could be happy again. He eventually pulled it together enough to get to college and because the great musician he was meant to be but he never truly happy. But what were you doing all that time? Happily living your life with you wife and family. It’s not right that you got to be happy. Elio deserved better.” She seemed deflated now that she said all of this and sank down into the grass. Sitting with her back against a tree. I sit beside her.   
“If it makes you feel better, I haven’t been happy since I left here.”  
She looks at me skeptically.   
“Look, I did what I did because I was scared. I was too afraid and the thought of blowing up my life. My parents aren’t like Annella and Samuel. They would have never been able to accept a gay son. I need them to get through school and finish my degree. I tried to be the person everyone expected. I pretended to be happy, but I was miserable. Is that what you want to hear? That I suffered too? That’s I’m a coward and deserve to be unhappy?” I stopped, too emotional to continue.   
She’s quiet for a moment.   
“Do you love him?” She asks  
“Yes, yes I do.”  
“What was your goal in coming here now?”  
I’m not prepared to answer this. What do I do now? I have no idea. I answer her question honestly  
“I had no agenda coming here, I don’t know what I want to happen.”  
She looks me right in the eyes and she must know that I’m being sincere because her hard look softens a bit.   
“I guess I’ve grown protective of him.” She says smiling slightly. “I just couldn’t bear to see him so hurt again.”  
“I don’t want him to be hurt either.” I say. I vow to myself that I will not be responsible for causing him pain ever again.  
"Damn it Oliver! You're making it hard to hate you." she says laughing.   
I laugh too. I'm relived.   
"Can I ask what happened to Chiara?" I ask Marzia.  
"Oh my sister if off living in London. Married to a wealthy guy and living the lifestyle she always wanted. I don't see her much. This villa has become too low class for her."

We hear footsteps behind us. We turn and see Elio approaching. “There you guys are. Everything okay.”  
“We good?” I asked Marzia as I help her to her feet.  
“Yeah, we’re good. For now.” She says.  
“Good” Elio says getting in between us. “Come back to the house for drink. I’ll play something.”


	4. A hard truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elio and Oliver have an honest late night conversation

A hard truth

Elio:  
Things seem civil as the three of us have a drink, with my father, in the living room. I have no idea what the two of them talked about, but she didn’t kill him so that’s positive. I sit down at the piano and play something new I’ve been working on. Recently I have been doing my own composing. I’m not very confident yet. I feel safe playing it, here in the villa, with three of the people I love most in this world. Everyone is quite and intently listening as I play my own work. Oliver is sitting on the sofa, eyes closed. The poor guy must be exhausted. 

Oliver:  
The jet lag is hitting me hard right now. But I can’t fall asleep and miss a note of Elio’s music. The piece he’s playing doesn’t sound familiar to me. Not that I’m a great expert in classical pianists but I like it very much. He’s so talented. I’ve followed his career. I couldn’t not keep tabs on him. I’m happy he is successfully doing what he loves. What he’s born to do, as Marzia had said earlier. Maybe I had to leave him that day so he could get to where he is now. 

Elio:  
I stop playing and I’m convinced Oliver is asleep. My father and Marzia look tired too.   
“Well, maybe we should call it a night. It’s late.” I say getting up from my bench.   
“No” Oliver, who apparently wasn’t asleep says. “I’d like to hear more.”  
“Oliver, Elio is right. It’s late and you must be exhausted from your trip. You didn’t even get a nap!” My father says.   
“Good night.” Marzia says, already heading upstairs.   
“I guess, you and I can share a room.” I say to Oliver. “Separate beds of course.”  
“Of course.” He’s being very agreeable and not noticing that I really don’t want us to be in separate beds. I want to sleep next to him. That’s probably not a great idea considering I haven’t made a decision about him yet.

“I just can’t believe how much this house hasn’t changed in decades.” Oliver says, coming out of the bathroom. He is undressed down to his boxers and I can’t help noticing that he is in great shape. Still muscular in all the right places. I have to stop thinking about this. Nothing can happen tonight. I’m laying in the bed by the window and he gets into the other twin bed. I’m not sure what to say to him but I know I need to say something.  
“Oliver, why did you come here?” I’m not looking at him. I’m staring at the ceiling. I can feel his eyes on me.  
“Hell! I don’t know. I just wanted to come back here. I thought if I did maybe I could get that summer back. Or that feeling anyway.” I turn to look at him. His face is still beautiful.   
“What feeling?” I ask. Even though I know exactly what he’s talking about.  
He takes a minute to respond. “Happiness. I don’t think I’ve experienced it in twenty years.”  
He’s undoing me. I wasn’t expecting such honesty.   
“Oliver, I’m not happy to hear that you have been miserable but at the same time I am happy about it. I thought that you left and just forgot about me. It didn’t seem fair that you could move on and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”  
He’s sitting up now and I do the same.   
“Elio, I could never forget you. I tried. I really did. I tried to forget you by getting married. I tried to forget you by burying myself in my work for years. I tried to forget you while sleeping with other men. But I never could get you out of my mind.”  
" What do we do now?” I look up at him. Hoping he has an answer.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Oliver, I’m opening living as a gay man now and you’re not. You’re not ready to do that and I don’t think you ever will be.” This hurts me to say because I really do want to be with him. He’s quiet for a long time, absorbing what I’ve said.  
“You’re right. I’m not comfortable with myself. Maybe I’m a coward but I just don’t want people to know. I'm not ready”  
“That is your issue and has nothing to do with me. But you understand why I can’t live a hidden life, right?”  
“I understand and I wouldn’t want you to do that. You deserve every happiness in life, and I can’t give that to you yet.”  
We are both crying now. This conversation needed to happen, but it mentally drained us. He gets up from his bed and gets into mine. The twin bed is much too small for us, so we are snug against each other. It feels so right to be in his arms again.

I wake up to the sound of the breakfast bell. Oliver is gone. I quickly get dressed and head downstairs. Oliver is at the table drinking coffee with my father. The small bag he arrived with is at his feet.   
“Elio, I was just telling Oliver about my idea for my next book. He thinks it’s genius and has offered to proof read it when I get it done.” My father is always happy in the mornings, I don’t know how he does it.  
“Is that right.” I say has I pour myself some coffee.   
“I look forward to it Professor.” Oliver says as he stands up. He’s leaving. “Thank you for having me again.” He and my father shake hands.  
“Of course, you are always welcome here.” My father says giving me a sideways look.  
“I’ll walk you to the gate.” I say. I know this is how it has to be, but I don’t want him to leave again.   
I open the gate and he puts his bag in the car.   
He surprises me by hugging me. I hug him back tightly.   
“This is not the end.” He says into me ear. He kisses me gently. “I promise.”  
I don’t say anything. I watch him get in the car and he disappear down the lane.


	5. A Concert and A Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and his family attend Elio's concert which leads to a revelation

A concert and A revelation 

Summer 2004 New York City:  
Oliver:  
Since last summer Elio and I have been communicating regularly. It’s nice to talk him again, as a friend. I’ve been seeing the therapist once a week. She and I talk a lot about my “coming out.” I’m still not sure about when, or if, I should do that. I’m not yet sure I’m ready to blow up my life. I have no idea how I will tell my wife or my kids. What will they think? How will having a gay dad affect them? These are just some of the issues I need to think about before I can make a decision. Elio has helped by telling me about when he “came out.” They way he tells it doesn’t make it seems that bad. But I think everything must be easy for Elio. His family have accepted him easily. I’m convinced that my family will not be so open minded about it. 

I get home from the office and Emily, our 15-year-old daughter, is setting the table. It seems it will just be the three of us tonight.   
“The boys aren’t here?” I ask Carol. I kiss her cheek while she stirs a pot of sauce.  
“No, they are out with some friends.”  
“It’s their first summer back from college, we haven’t seen them since much. You’d think they would at least spend some time with us.” I say. Dylan and Carter, our 19-year twin boys that have just completed their first year at Dartmouth. I’m irrationally upset they are not here.   
“This came in the mail for you today.” Carol says and hands me a fancy envelope. “Looks like a wedding invitation. Do we know anyone getting married?”  
“I don’t think we do.” I say. I open the envelope and there are five tickets inside. Tickets to a show Elio is playing Friday night. There is also a note from Elio inviting me and my family to his concert which will feature the works of Bach.   
I can’t believe it. I’m finally going to get see him play in concert. And I guess my family will meet him. 

Elio:  
I was happy when Oliver called me to say he, Carol, and the kids would be coming to my concert. Now that I’m about to meet them, I’m nervous.  
They find me backstage before my performance.   
“Elio!” Oliver looks handsome in a grey suit. His family is beautiful.   
“Everyone, this is my friend Elio Perlman.” Oliver introduces me with such enthusiasm. It touches me deeply.  
“Elio my wife Carol, my twin sons Dylan and Carter and my daughter Emily.” He introduces me to them, and I shake their hands. They look like the perfect family. Maybe they are.   
“Elio is the best pianist you will ever hear.” Oliver says. He’s building me up too much.  
“Well, I don’t know about that.” I say, suddenly self-conscience. I haven’t been this nervous before a show in a while. “I do hope you will enjoy it.”  
“I know I will.” Says Emily giving me shy smile. “I love piano music.” Oliver and Carol look at her with skepticism.   
“It’s very nice to meet you Elio.” Carol says. “I’m glad you invited us.”  
“It’s my pleasure to have you here.” I reply. I am happy they are here.   
“Well, we’d better go find out seats.” Oliver says. He pushes his family forward and gives my arm a squeeze. “We will talk later?” He asks  
“Yes.” I say. I’m getting emotional now. It has nothing to do with nerves. I’m overwhelmed with joy that Oliver is here to see me play. I’ve picked out some special pieces to play just for him.   
Oliver:  
Elio’s concert was amazing. He knows how much I enjoy Bach. There were several pieces tonight which he played for me at the Villa. I was in tears by the end. Elio receives a standing ovation.   
“That was wonderful.” Carol said  
“Yes, he is.” I reply. “I mean Elio is an excellent musician.”  
We meet Elio again backstage.   
“That was amazing.” Emily tells him.  
“Thank you. Bach is a personal favorite of mine. Glad you enjoyed it.”  
“It was wonderful.” Carol says. She’s smiling as she chats with Elio. Even the boys seemed to enjoy talking to him. My heart is full at the sight of all my loved ones together. At that moment I know that I must be with Elio. I need to be with him, but I also need to figure out how to that without destroying my family. 

When we get home, Carol goes into the study to finish up some work and the kids set up in the living room. The boys are finally don’t have anywhere else to be. When I enter the room, they get quiet.   
“What’s up?” I ask. “I’m glad you all enjoyed the concert.”  
“It was good.” Dylan says  
“It might to learn to play.” Carter says. “It seems like a good way to meet girls.”  
“I loved it.” Emily says. “Elio is so cute.”  
“Is he now?” I say laughing.  
“Yes.” Emily says. “You agree with that right Dad?”  
“Agree with what?”  
“That Elio is cute.”  
“What?” I don’t understand what she is asking me.   
Dylan hands me a shoe box. I recognize it immediately.   
“Dad, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy or anything but last year I was in the garage looking for something and I found this box. I didn’t know what was in it.” Dylan says, looking very apologetic.  
The box filled with some mementos I took from the villa in 1983. I’m stunned that kids have found this box, looked at my memories, have seen the real me  
“Dad.” Emily puts her hand on my arm. The kids are all siting next to me now. “Tonight, that was the same Elio as you knew then?”  
I shake my head yes. I’m holding back tears. I’m embarrassed yet relived.  
“Yes.” I finally say. “I met Elio twenty years ago when on a trip to Italy. He and his family hosted me at their Villa. I brought some things back.” I had placed the shoebox on the table. I place my hand on the lid  
“Why didn’t you tell me you knew about this?” I ask.  
“Why didn’t you tell us you’re gay?” Carter challenges.  
I don’t know what to say. I’m too stunned to formulate a response to my son’s perceptive inquiry.   
“By the way Dad” Dylan puts his arms around my shoulder. “It’s totally fine with us. We love you so much and this doesn’t change that fact. You’re still our father.”  
I can’t stop the tears. All three of them are hugging me now.  
“I can’t tell you how much that mean to me. I’ve been struggling with this for some time. The three of you have given me so much hope.”  
I couldn’t be prouder of them.   
“You haven’t told your mother? Have you?”  
“No, of course not.” Emily says. “But you probably should.”  
“Yes, with your support, I will tell her everything.”


	6. Carol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver finally tells Carol about Elio which leads her to confess a secret of her own.

Oliver:  
It’s time. I know it’s time to tell Carol about Elio. It’s been a few days since the conversation with my kids and I’ve just been waiting for the perfect moment to talk to Carol. I know there will never be a perfect time, so I just have to do it. We are alone for dinner tonight; the kids are all out somewhere.   
“Carol” I say pushing my plate aside. “There is something we need to discuss.”  
“Okay.”   
“Well… I, I don’t really know how to say this” I begin. I really don’t know where I can find the words to this wonderful woman this life altering news.  
“Go ahead.” She says.  
I’m still speechless. I just cannot find the words.   
“Hang on.” I say. I go to my study and get the shoebox. It might be easier to tell her while I show her these items from which it all started.  
It takes a long time for me to go through the story. She doesn’t say a word but listens intently.  
After I tell her everything, I’m relieved. Once I started, I found the words came very easily.   
“Wow.” She says. “I was not expecting this.”  
“I’m sorry.” I say taking her hand. “I just needed you know.”  
“After all this time?”  
“Yes, it was time.”   
“Did you ever love me?”  
“Yes, I do love you, in way. I love the family we created. The kids are everything to me. I wouldn’t have them without you.”  
“I can tell Elio is a wonderful person.” She says smiling. She takes my hand. I’m still uneasy about this.   
“Yes, he’s the best person I know.”   
She’s quiet for a long time. I don’t dare break the silence. I need to know what she’s really thinking.   
“Well.” She finally says. “I’m kind of relived.”  
“Relived?”  
“Yes. Because I’ve been keeping a secret too. Since today seems to be the day for honesty between us, I should tell you.”   
I look at her expectantly. I have no idea what she’s going to say.   
“Three years ago, I met someone, another man and I’ve been having an affair with him.”  
I’m stunned  
“At that time,” She continues “I was thought you were cheating on me. We were hardly having sex anymore and I was convinced I’d lost my appeal. Andy came along and made me feel attractive again. But now I understand that it wasn’t your fault. I guess you were never really attracted to me huh?”  
“That’s not totally true. When I saw you on our wedding day, I thought you looked so beautiful. On that day I thought I could make it work. I thought I could be a great husband.”   
“Oliver, you have a been good husband to me. And a great father.”   
Neither of us can hold back our emotions now.   
“I’m so glad to hear you say that. I wanted more, more then anything, to be the best father to them.” I’m sobbing now. All the pent-up emotions could no longer be held back. Carol and I embraced held each other for long time. Both of us leaning on each other. The phone rings bringing us out of the moment. Carol reaches to answer it and I grab some tissues to wipe my eyes.   
“That was Emily, she’s staying over at Karen’s house tonight.” Carol said.   
I take her hand we move into the living to the living room and sit on the sofa.  
“Where do we go from here?” I ask her  
“Where does Elio live?”  
“Los Angeles, when he’s not on a music touring.”   
“Well, that’s where you should go.”  
“You’re serious?”  
“Yes, I mean you want to be with him, don’t you?”  
“More than anything?” I say earnestly.   
“I think you should be with him. I will happy to include in our family.”   
I amazed she has said this.   
“I can’t believe this is happening.” I say  
“Why? It’s what you want.”  
“I know. I guess I just never expected you to be so understanding. I was so afraid of how you would react, and I did not want blow up this family and hurt everyone.”   
She laughs. “This is the same reason I didn’t tell you about my affair with Andy. I did not want to hurt anyone. I guess we both chose to hurt ourselves instead.”  
I laugh about that because she is right. We’ve both been miserable.  
“I don’t think anything has to change.” She continues “I don’t want a divorce, I don’t want to disrupt our kids’ lives.”  
“So, what you are saying?” I ask, “We stay married and live here together but we each will have someone else?” This is a scenario I did not imagine.   
“Yes. I don’t see why that won’t work.” She’s being very reasonable.   
I hug her tight. I’m elated.   
“Thank you, Carol.” I say, kissing her. “I’ve got to go call Elio!”


	7. A phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver is stunned when Elio is not on board with his plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that the arrangement I created wasn't going to work. I couldn't see how the story could advance from there. Maybe my story got lost in trying to make things easy for Oliver.

A phone call

After my conversation with Carol, I’m very excited to tell Elio this news. I call him right away.  
“Oliver, I can’t believe this.” He says after I explain how well things with Carol. I wish were having this conversation face to face. I get the feeling he’s not excited about this.   
“Isn’t it amazing that everyone is okay? I mean I didn’t expect it to go this well. Right?”  
“Oliver.” He sighs into the receiver. “I’m happy that your whole family is accepting and supportive, but this arrangement isn’t going to work.”  
My heart drops. “What?”   
“What you are telling me is that you are going to stay married and live the same life and I’m just included, like an add on?”  
“No, that’s now how it is…” I begin to say.  
“This is an affair, Oliver. I don’t want an affair. I want a real relationship.”  
“Elio, you’re being unreasonable.”  
“Unreasonable!” He’s yelling now. “It’s not unreasonable for me to want to a real, full time relationship with you. I have to give that up so you can be comfortable, and nothing has change for you?”  
“Elio, I don’t understand. We can be together now. It’s what I’ve wanted for so long.”  
“With this arrangement I will never get all of you. You will always be Carol’s husband. “I refuse to be the gay lover of Carol’s husband.”   
He hangs up on me. I stand there for a minute staring at the receiver. 

What am I supposed to do now?


	8. The heart and brain work in mysterious way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver get some life altering news and makes a important decision about his future. This is the end of Elio and Oliver's love story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is final chapter of this story. This comes from a dark place. Today was full of dark thoughts and I had to express them in this way.

The heart and brain work in mysterious ways  
I woke up in a hospital bed, I have no recollection of how I got here.   
“What happened?” I ask groggily  
“Thank goodness Oliver. I’ll go get the doctor.” Carol says before dropping my hand exiting the room.  
“But...” I say to no one.  
Carol comes back with a nurse who checks the various tubes and machines connected to me. “The doctor will be in a few minutes” The chipper nurse says.  
“Carol, what happened? Why am I here?” I try again to get information on my current circumstance.  
“You were playing tennis with David at the club and you passed out right on the court, unconscious. Scaring everyone.” Carol says and takes my hand again. “By the time I got here they already had you off getting tested”  
“Tested for what?”   
Just then the doctor comes in. He looks barley older than my sons which doesn’t give me much confidence.   
“Hello, I’m Doctor Parker  
“Hello, Doctor Parker. Would you be so kind as to tell me why the hell I’m here?” I’m getting agitated. I need information, now.   
Carol squeezes me hand. Even though things are rocky between us, I’m glad she is here.   
“Well, Oliver you were brought in and we could not find any apparent physical reasons to explain the unconsciousness. We took you for a CAT scan. I’ve just gotten the results back from the scan and we discovered an aneurysm.”  
“An aneurysm?” Carol gasps.  
“But I feel fine.” I say. “I’ve felt fine. Maybe a little more stressed the usual but nothing out of the ordinary.”  
“There usually are no physical symptoms. Most people don’t know they have one until it bursts and kills them.”  
“Then why aren’t I dead?”  
“Oliver, stop talking like that.” Carol says. I can see tears in her eyes. I’m sorry I upset her.  
“Your aneurysm didn’t bust. It just kind of spasmed.”  
“Oh.” I say. I can’t understand how this has happened  
“Are you a neurologist?” I ask the young doctor.  
“I am.” He says confidently.  
“So, what do I do about this?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Nothing?”  
“I know this might be upsetting to here but there is nothing to be done about it. Unfortunately, it is too deep in your brain for surgical removal. In some cases, like yours, when the aneurysm is too embedded in the tissue the surgery is very high risk and we opt not do it.”  
“So, you’re saying that if my husband has surgery, he’ll die?” Carol is crying now.   
“There is high death risk associated with this surgery.”  
“So, if this thing bursts it will kill me.” I say. I’m trying to process this new information.  
“Honestly, yes.” Doctor Parker says. I like this guy’s honest approach. He’s earned my respect.   
He continues. “There is no way of knowing when or if it will burst. It might never. Or it may happen tonight. I know this is a lot of scary information. It will take you some time to process it. There is no need for you say here in the hospital. I’m going to sign your discharge papers.” He says and leaves Carol and I alone to try and process all this.

When we get home, Carol offers to make a dinner. I got up to the bedroom and take a shower. I need some time to think about my new reality. I could die at any time. Without warning. I   
don’t know how I’m supposed to react, but I suddenly feel at peace. Knowing I could die tomorrow has made understand what I have do. It has made decision making easier. 

I go downstairs and Carol has made a simple dinner of soup and salad.   
“Oliver. This might sound insensitive, but I’m glad this happened. You and I have had such a hard time lately and this is wake up call.”  
“It certainly is.” I agree.  
We finish dinner and I get a beer and ask Carol to join me in the living room.  
“Carol, I know what I have to do now. It is clear to me that I have no more time to waste. I need to be with Elio. If I’m going to die tomorrow, I need to be with him now.”  
“Oliver! You already know I’m not consenting to a divorce. You need to me more than ever. I can take care of you.”  
“I don’t care about the divorce. I don’t care about that. Elio is the love my life and need to be with him. I’m sorry this hurts you. I never meant for that. I wish I would have had the confidence twenty years ago that I feel now. If I’d been able to be honest with myself, we wouldn’t be in this position. But things have changed now. I know understand that my life is finite, and I can’t waste it.”  
“Fine!” She yells “Go. Go and be with your precious Elio, I guess I can’t stop you.” She is crying and leaves the room. I hear the front door slam. She is gone. I don’t know if I will see her again. I call Elio and let him know that I’m coming to Los Angeles, tonight.

When I get to Elio’s front door, relief washes over me. For the first time in twenty years I know I’m finally in the right place and will finally be happy. It is nice to see his beautiful face when he opens the door. We embrace each other before I even get in the door. It is nice to touch him again. I forgotten how his touch sparks something inside me. I take his face in my hands and kiss him deeply.   
“Can I come in?” I ask, teasing him.  
“My dad is here so, keep it clean.” He says and kisses me again. I give him a skeptical look. “Well, at least try not to fuck me in front of him.” He smiles and laughs, and we enter the house hand in hand. I’ve missed him.

I say hi to Mr. Perlman and we all move outside by the pool and have drinks. I know I have to tell them about my health situation. I just don’t know how to bring it up. We chat about menial things for a bit. The Professor tells me he’s writing another book and might to have me edit it when he’s finished.   
“I’d love that.” I mean that. I would love to do that. If I live long enough.   
“I have to confess something.” I begin gathering my courage. “I have some not great news….”

After I explain what has happened in the last day, Elio has tears in his eyes and the Professor hasn’t said a word.   
“I have a plan.” I say. Elio and The Professor stare at me, waiting expectantly to hear my plan.  
“Elio, I love you very much. I always have. I know now that there is nothing, I want in life than to be with you. I haven’t a clue how much more time I have to live but I want to spend that time with you, and no one else.”  
“Oh Oliver.” He says and takes my hand. “I’ve waited so long to hear that from you.”  
“I want to live the rest of my life with you, at the villa. There is no place else for me to be. That is place in which I was the happiest. I want that happy life again. I know we can have it there, together. I have the financial means to do it. I don’t need to work. Hell, I don’t want to waste my time with drudgery. You and I can have the life we were always meant to have, if I’d have allowed it to happen back then. I want to make it happen now. I can’t live the rest of my life, however long it might, in any other way.” 

“Oliver, I want to be with you. I need to be with you. But I have a life here in Los Angeles, with my father and my mother. I just can’t abandon her.” Elio says. I understand that is love for parents to pure and he needs to be with them too. Luckily, I’d considered this while forming my plan on the plane ride here.   
“You won’t have too. Your parents can come and live with us. We can hire a full time care taker for Annella. We can all be together and live like a proper family.” 

The Professor has been pacing the length of the pool but intently listening to my ideas. I hope I have won him over. I know that Elio will take his opinion seriously.   
“Oliver” The Professor say sitting down at the table. “You really have no idea when or if ever this aneurysm will explode and kill you?  
“None. The doctor couldn’t predict anything.”  
The Professor takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. I take to this mean he is considering it. It takes a few minutes before he speaks.   
“Oliver, I’ve never doubted your love for my son. I’d known it back then and I know it now. For the last twenty years I’ve watched my son go from one relationship to another. Never being truly happy with any man. He has been trying to find someone to replace you. And of course, he couldn’t. It makes me very happy that you have finally seen the light and come around to be with him.” Hearing the Professor say these words makes very happy. I hug him. 

“Elio, it’s up to you but I’m on board living full time at the villa. That place has always seemed more like home than anyplace else. I believe we all, including your mother, will be totally content there. You could write and record your music there. I could write, and Oliver, could do whatever he wants.”  
Elio has the look on his face when he knows what he wants but is unsure of how to vocalize it. I’ve seen this look before.   
“Well it’s settled. We’re moving to Crema.” 

That night Elio and I share a bed for the time in twenty years. How did I manage let so many years go by with having him curled next to me? I don’t know how I could have been so stupid. Stupid enough to try and be with someone other than Elio. But tonight, is a new beginning for us. I can’t wait to be with The Perlmans for the rest of my life. 

 

5 years later… Crema, Italy

Elio:

I woke up early this morning with an idea for a song and I to write it down. The sun didn’t even rise yet as I sit at my desk and being to pattern out the melody for the song. Oliver is sleeping peacefully. Since we all moved to the villa, I have never been happier. My father was right when said that is place feels like home. I’ve never been more creative either. There is something about being here, every day, with the love of my life and fosters my song writing. I need to go to Rome and record some of the stuff I’ve written. I’m sure Oliver will come with me. He has been writing a lot as well. My father and mother have been content. Oliver and my mother have formed a bond with each other that surprises me. We thought that her diminished cognitive state would not allow for such interactions anymore, but Oliver has been able to reach her, and they spend hours everyday talking. Oliver divulges little of their conversations. He says he want to keep them private for now. 

I have been so involved in my composing that I haven’t noticed the sun had come up and it was probably nearing breakfast time. I go into the bathroom, wash up and get dressed. Just as I predicted, I hear Anna ring the bell. Oliver is still in the bed. It’s unusual that he would not hear the bell. He is usually awake much earlier.   
“Come on sleepy head. Wake up. Breakfast is ready.” Oliver doesn’t move.  
“Oliver, time to get up.” I say again and approach the bed. I reach out and caress his face. It’s ice cold. I pull back the sheet and touch his arms and legs. They are cold and stiff.   
“No!” I scream. “No, No.” I cry. “Help! I need help up here.” I shout hoping someone will come up and fix this. My father will know what to do.   
I climb on the bed and put my head on Oliver’s chest.   
“This can’t be.” I sob into his cold skin. “No.”


End file.
